The Bonjour Bullies and the Bonjour Drill
What’s in a word? A lot, if you consider one of the most important ones in the French language and that is Bonjour.
Here’s what you need to know about Bonjour etiquette when visiting France: if you ask directions of a French person and don’t preface your request with a Bonjour (preferably a Bonjour, Monsieur or Bonjour, Madame), you’re likely either not to get your directions or get ones that will take you a long way from where you want to go. If you enter a shop and don’t say Bonjour, the service will be lousy.
Why? Salespeople in France have complexes! They need to feel they are the equal of their customer and not subservient. They are NOT at your beck and call and will do everything to prove it. By not greeting them, you are treating them like ciphers, nonentities. You are giving them the not very subtle message that they don’t count. Which is why, to get their revenge, they’ll impose upon you the tedious, boring Bonjour drill which I have seen happen so many times it’s becoming predictable.
This treatment is not restricted to foreigners. On a recent trip to the beautiful, hot, southern city of Marseilles, my French husband forgot to say Bonjour before he asked a question of a museum guard. The fellow looked at him with what can only be described as sheer loathing, recoiled and spit out a resounding: BONJOUR. My husband, being French, got it and replied: “Excusez-moi. Bonjour!” Even this apology didn’t work on the surly guard who once again faced my husband with a second, even more aggressive Bonjour, and a sneer to go with it. By this time, my husband was fed up and left the premises. He had decided, rightly, that the guy was a jerk.
A few days later in the glamorous seaside town of Cannes, I was shopping in a store which sells a wonderful lemon liqueur called “Limoncello” which is made of the finest lemons in Menton. The salesperson, a sharp-eyed, active (even hyper) young woman was giving her rote sales pitch to everyone who came into the store. I had selected my bottle and headed for the counter as I waited for her to leave the person she was serving to come over to the cash register. But just then a young woman entered and quietly and politely asked her a question.
I didn’t hear the question but I did hear a booming and aggressive BONJOUR from the salesperson who was obviously insulted that someone had stepped into her shop, asked a question and didn’t even bother to say hello. The woman, realizing her mistake, acquiesced but it was too late. But like the museum guard, the salesperson didn’t drop it. Instead, I heard BONJOUR a second time as the exasperated and furious salesperson faced down the young lady like a teacher with a recalcitrant student. This time, I was the one who left the premises, plunking my bottle on the counter and exiting the store. The salesperson, totally occupied with her Bonjour lesson, didn’t even see me go.
So, here’s my advice: DO say Bonjour politely whenever you enter a store or ask for advice in the street. Don’t just launch into your request. Don’t worry about it being silly. Believe me, you can never say the word enough. Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour, bonjour!
But DON’T let anyone bully you if you have forgotten the precious word. Yes, you’re rude if you don’t say bonjour, but anyone who makes you say it and then repeat it is rude as well. There’s a name for those kinds of people. They are Bonjour Bullies!